As I have admitted to all of you before I have struggled with depression my entire life. I mean capitol D, STFU, suicide contemplating, dead log laying, no eating, bathing or caring, siting in the dark sobbing, might-as-well-give-up depression. Not sad. Not teenage (or 20 something) angst or gee-I'm-to-lazy-to-do-anything-so-why-doesn't-the-world-hand-it-to-me "depression". This makes me somewhat defensive about the casual dropping, it is kind of a joke, it means anything I want, use of the word. I imagine it is the same way someone with certain disabilities is not so fond of the word 'retarded'. I don't blame them. The reason I relate this is because it is integral to the reason that I was bullied.
You all also know I have a problem with those who spout 'positivity' as their calling card. Mostly because many of those who do spout this philosophy as their guiding principle in life do not know the difference between being positive and being optimistic - one being realistic and uplifting, the other being a bully pulpit to shame and humiliate people.
Recently a "friend" of mine posted what they believed to be a tremendously witty and clever little quote that they thought would be great to have folks pass around in hopes it would go viral. In this quote they used the word depression in a very hurtful and flippant manner. I commented as much and was told that I was being silly. When I commented a bit more forcefully - no anger, profanity or accusations, only the facts and implications of such a definition and use of the word - I suddenly found myself being bullied by their 'loyal' followers. I received replies way out of proportion to my words and meaning, was apparently being discussed disparagingly on furtive phone calls and told I was the one bullying the poster! Now the person who posted the original comment wanted to "call and discuss" the post. I politely declined - with the reason that the post was public and I thought a reasonable public discussion of the topic would be more useful. Well reasonable was definitely NOT what I got.
Finally the originator of the post added a particularly long and ignorant post framing themselves as the 'victim'(!) of ridicule and scorn, while simultaneously trashing me and my considered opinion. I felt as if I had been punched in the face. They continued on to thank their supporters (when I looked back it was only two people, whom I had never seen post before) and encourage them to continue their support by bullying me.
WOW! How can anyone consider that to be in any way, shape or form positive? How can anyone who bases their career prospects on being 'a beacon of positive in a dark negative world' believe that this was in any way supportive of that stance? How can someone who likes to call themselves the pooh-bah of positive or the positive panderer or whatever catchy title, think that they reacted to my post in a positive way? Even if I had simply poured out the emotion of having my depression labeled as laziness, a kind of joke that has a simple fix or something one can toss around flippantly - would the POSITIVE reaction not have been something less aggressive than a full frontal attack by this person and their minions?
I am usually the first person to admit when I have made a mistake. But believe me this was no mistake, and the response made that more than clear. What was especially sad and hurtful is that this person was someone I considered a special addition to my life, who is well aware of my struggles and who made what seemed to be a conscious decision to be mean and hateful to me as a way of bolstering their own ego. Of course I realized in that moment they had no true feeling for me at all. I would say I lost a friend, but what I lost was merely an illusion.
A positive pushing bully - bet you didn't even know that was possible!
Thanks for listening . . . you know I'll be back with another rant soon.
Always-n-Ever . . . . mmwwahhh!